its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
