ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
