Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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