How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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