well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
