the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
