I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
