my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Randomize
