im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
