i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
