I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
this is an emotional support booty call
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
