We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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