hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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