Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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