If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
