K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
How does it feel to date your dad?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
