the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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