yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
