Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
