So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
