they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
