how can u be prego again
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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