alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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