Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
