i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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