lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize