wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
