I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
