You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Come share oat with me in your robe
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
