Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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