they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
whose ass print is on the piano?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
