I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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