JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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