I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
