You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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