just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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