she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
