I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
