You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm just crazy horny about you
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
