You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
