A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
