I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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