If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
