...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
