I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
