im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
