Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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