you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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