I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize