Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
