I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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