He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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