So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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