She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
