She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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