my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
