me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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