I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
