omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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