I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
