I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
