He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
