I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
