we have officially mastered the walk of shame
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize