Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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