My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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