hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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