We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
