You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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