Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize