Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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