Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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