I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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