Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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