You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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