just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
