i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
