I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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