the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
