I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize