would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
