i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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