I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
