first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
