After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
