remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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