there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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