This girl is more easily done than said...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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