Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
